In 2021, Joining Forces for Africa (JOFA) Project introduced the Parenting without Violence (PwV) approach in Bungoma County. The program aims to equip parents and caregivers with the necessary skills to solve problems in partnership with their children, in order to prevent physical and humiliating punishments in households.
The PwV sessions involve children, fathers, mothers, caregivers, and communities in an effort to transform gender norms, power dynamics, and culturally accepted practices that contribute to violence in the home.
Interaction with members of the community in Mount Elgon, Bungoma County in Kenya, reveals that there is minimal male involvement in caregiving. Culturally, men are perceived as the head of the household and will rarely participate in household chores including babysitting, cooking and other household chores which is considered a “taboo” for men.
The primary responsibility of men is to financially support the family, and this is why most men move to urban areas in search of employment opportunities leaving women behind to care for the children.
Gender roles are clearly defined and enforced in the communities living in Bungoma County, with specific duties and obligations assigned to girls and boys. After boys undergo an initiation ceremony such as circumcision, they are prohibited from visiting the kitchen or spending time with their mothers. Women are expected to submit to their husbands and not question their opinions. Moreover, women are responsible for managing the home and caring for the children.
Leonard, a 42-year-old father of 8 and grandfather of 2 children doubles up as a farmer and a casual laborer. Like many male caregivers in the region, when he is not in his farm, he frequents a local brew den in his village to join his friends on a drinking spree. He admits that pressure from his parents led him to get into early marriage, forcing him to assume fatherhood responsibilities without the knowledge of how to manage a family. Occasionally, he would stay at his employer’s home to dodge family responsibilities which led him to misuse his meagre salary on alcohol.
“I have been a bad father to my children. I become easily irritable and aggressive after consuming alcohol, resulting to household conflicts, and this has strained my relationship with my children and relatives,” says Leonard.
JOFA Project collaborated with the Government of Kenya through the Department of Children Services and other local child-focused organisation to identify and enroll parents for the Parenting without Violence sessions, aiming to create a lasting change in families and communities by using this approach. At first, Leonard was adamant to join the PwV sessions since he felt that he had been labeled as a “troublesome” parent and he strongly believed that caregiving was the role of women and girls, not men. His wife accepted to be part of the training hoping to share the knowledge gained with her husband. This only worsened the situation in their household.
“After attending Parenting without Violence sessions, my husband would beat me claiming that I had gone to expose his irresponsible behavior to other women in the village. This forced me to stop going for the sessions for about 2 months,” his wife reported.
In one of the community dialogue forums where Leonard had attended, the Parenting without Violence Facilitator together with the community leaders and local administration sensitized the community members about the parenting without violence approach. They shared positive stories of change from one of the villages which had embraced the PwV sessions and parents were involving their children in positive parenting discussions. This changed Leonard and he created interest to attend the sessions in order to learn more.
Leonard is among 2,018 parents and caregivers in Bungoma who were identified by Save the Children to participate in the in the JOFA Project PwV sessions. Together with other parents and caregivers, Leonard has been taught on stress management, problem-solving, non-violent communication, child development, and self-care.
“I used to threaten my wife and tell her openly that I would kill everyone in my family including myself if she continues attending Parenting without Violence training sessions. I thought she was discussing my character during the sessions. This mentality caused me to fight my wife and children over small things. I eventually realized that I was wrong” he confessed.
Besides attending all the PwV adult sessions, Leonard also attended joint parenting interactive session with his children, who have also been participating in child-friendly sessions. He attests that communication in his household has greatly improved and that he has a stronger bond with his children.
Today, Leonard is more involved in the life of his children. He attends and actively participates in school events whenever parents are needed. He also monitors his children’s development and well-being both at school and home.
“I have learnt to live harmoniously with my family and the society. I have since asked my family and my neighbors for forgiveness and they now see me as a responsible father and community member.” Leonard happily noted.
Leonard has become a Parenting without Violence champion in his area, and so far, he has introduced his close friends and other couples to the PwV group. He has also been leading campaigns aimed at ending violence against children in his community.
His children are happy that their father has changed, and he is very caring and concerned about their personal and academic life.
“It is unusual that our father came to our school to discuss with our teachers any challenges we are facing in school. He was the lion roaring in the house, but this has since stopped. Today, he is a humble parent, who creates time to listen to us and advise us on various issues.” His child reported.
Leonard is now a PwV champion in his village, sharing the knowledge gained with other parents and caregivers who haven’t participated in the training.
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This publication was produced with the financial support of the European Union.
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