In April, 2021, Pauline was identified by a Community Health Worker during home visits and was enrolled to JOFA Project, where she was introduced to the Parenting without Violence meetings. At first, she was hesitant to join the sessions for fear that it could remind her of her dark childhood experiences.
Pauline*is a 38-year-old mother of 6 children living in the Mathare informal settlement in Nairobi, Kenya. She works as a casual laborer in the nearby affluent estate as a house help. Besides, she also owns a grocery shop and the proceeds from this business supplement the family income.
She vividly recalls her childhood challenges following the death of her parents, especially life under the care of her abusive relatives which forced her to seek employment as a house help in Nairobi at the age of 13 years. Pauline narrates how her employer’s friend defiled her and threatened to kill her if she told anyone. Despite this, she had to continue working and kept the secret to herself until at the age of 15 years when she got pregnant. This annoyed her boss who eventually kicked her out, complicating her situation.
“I was confused and bitter with life, especially when I discovered that I was pregnant and had been infected with HIV. Life became unbearable for me to an extend that I contemplated suicide. Thanks to the friends who offered to support me throughout the healing process.” She narrates.
Luckily, she later on got married to a supportive husband who accepted her and her child. Even though Pauline pulled through the situation, her greatest worry over the years has been how to disclose the ordeal for fear of rejection and stigmatization.
This dark past has been very traumatizing for her, stressing her and affecting her relationship with her children. The scars are still fresh in her present life.
In April, 2021, Pauline was identified by a Community Health Worker (CHW) during home visits and was enrolled to Joining Forces for Africa (JOFA) Project, where she was introduced to Parenting without Violence (PwV) sessions. At first, she was hesitant to join the PwV sessions for fear that it could remind her of her dark childhood experiences.
“Before the Parenting without Violence training, my relationship with my children was terrible! I could get annoyed easily and direct the anger to my children, by beating them, denying them food and sometimes locking them out at night among other humiliating forms of punishment.” Pauline reveales.
Pauline is among 903 parents and caregivers in Mathare who have been reached with the eight PwV sessions namely: Family Dreams and Positive Parenting Goals; Caring for Children with Emotional Warmth and Structure; Understanding Stress and the Importance of Self-Care; The Right to be Safe; Understanding Child Development (Younger Children 0-5); Understanding Child Development (School Aged Children 6-9); Understanding Child Development (Older Children 10-17); and Problem solving.
“While sharing my experiences with other caregivers in our parental group, I discovered that there were caregivers who had undergone more traumatizing past than mine. Under the guidance of experienced facilitators and JOFA Project team, the sessions offered us an opportunity to on our issues and this brought healing.” Pauline notes.
As a result of the PwV training, and subsequent home visits by the JOFA project team, Pauline has since learnt how to manage stress, communicate better with her children and has resorted to protecting them from harm.
“The parenting without violence training has enabled me to love, care for and relate better with my children. I want my children to be happy and not to experience what I went through in my childhood.” she says.
She is now confident to attend the PwV sessions together with her husband, ensuring they both benefit from the PwV sessions. Additionally, she has volunteered her time to mentor 20 caregivers who are members of a Village Saving and Loan Association, as well as create awareness on Parenting Without Violence in her neighborhood.
Her children are happy that their mother has transformed and can now involve them in decision making including identifying child protection risks and seeking ways of addressing them together at the household level.
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